Uncomfrotable in My Skin

Today was one of those days i wake up with a smile on my face for no reason, utterly happy.

I enjoyed every second of this day – i smiled whenever the birds were chirping while flying freely in the endless blue sky, i admired the astonishing sunlight that was everywhere around me, i was overwhelmed by all the beauty in this world.

Unfortunately, though, i accidentally looked in the mirror while trying some shorts on. And at that exact moment all the joy was brutally ripped off me, replaced by disgust.

And this is one of the most horrible emotions one can ever feel – self disgust. Looking at yourself in the mirror and asking “Why do I have to be like that?”, self-criticizing severely at the same time..

Here We Go Again

Ha, I can be so unpredictable sometimes it makes me sick.

I tend to make mistakes. A lot. And after each one i promise myself that i will not repeat those mistakes again. Usually i keep them, but then there are those moments of weakness when the temptation is too great.

And here we go again.

I’m falling. And boy, I’m falling hard. Even though i know what i do only makes things worse, i can’t help it.

I’m nearing the bottom.

Pat Dumez: Portraits of Women

Please Help Find Nichole

Really hope to be found!

Self hate

I sometimes hate myself so much that i want to rip my own head off.

Our Secret Selves By Conrad Aiken

Our Secret Selves By Conrad Aiken.

We believe in God but does God believe in us

People are God’s finest creation ever, the one He is the most proud of…

Sounds pretty promising, doesn’t it? Yeah, it does. But think a little bit. God has made the man to rule the world, to be on the top of the hierarchy – above anything else. He has taken care about His precious people, helping them through their lives.

But see how it is now – people being murdered, robbed, kidnapped every day… God’s favorite creatures suffering every single day because of others of their kind. We are all supposed be one happy big family which God looks after. But where is He now, huh?

Some people praise Him every day, they pray for their and other’s sake. They pray for love, happiness, peace. But it kind of seems that neither of these actually get to God. Or if they do, He can’t /doesn’t want to/ do anything about it.

So what’s the conclusion? Believe in yourself only. If you want something to happen make it happen yourself cause God may have forgotten you.

Old Friends

Probably one of the most positive feelings in the whole white world is the one you get when meeting an old friend. Especially if you two haven’t met for a long time.

Today I met with such a friend and it was really refreshing. Although it had been 2 years and more since we last saw each other it wasn’t awkward at all. We remember past memories, laughed, smiled, just enjoyed one another’s company.

But then there is this risk with people you trust – they can always let you down. And that’s exactly what my friend did – he let me down. And let me tell you it’s like you’ve been full of hope, full of life and emotions, but suddenly it is all taken away from you and you turn into an empty shell. Yes that’s how I feel right now – an empty shell left behind on the sand.

Simple Plan – Untitled

Everybody’s screamin’
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slippin’ off the edge
I’m hangin’ by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

Impossible

Isn’t it strange how we are all different and unique but want to be like someone else at the same time? Yes, it maybe is. We are all original but yet want to be a copy.

I’ve never felt good enough for this society. I’ve always been criticized and pointed at, disapproved of… So how am I supposed to accept myself when so far I’ve been told that I lacked something. No matter if this “something” was good appearance, social skills, intelligence or maybe all of them, I lacked it. I grew up with an inferiority complex. And i still have it.

So when you’ve been kept down, when no one had ever let you feel worthy and when you’ve been ignored by your parents how can you accept yourself and not wish to be someone else?

It’s impossible.